The Collection
Stories
Fifty chapters of life, laughter, and lessons from two books.
Doodles: Life in the Margins
A collection of 28 humorous personal essays about life's unexpected moments — from engagement proposals gone awry to bottle fights with gin and tequila. Tom Searcy writes with wit, warmth, and an uncanny ability to find the absurd in everyday life.
Doodles · Chapter 1
Please Skip This
Book introductions suck. I always skip them. An author is always explaining things that you should be able to figure out from reading the book or you will forget while you are reading the book. Pss
Doodles · Chapter 2
Hot Air Balloons, Not Good Enough
"Done?" Is the way the phone was answered. No greeting. "Done." My answer. The phone was then hung up on both sides. No more. No good-byes, tears, congratulations or sign-offs. It may seem cryptic, a
Doodles · Chapter 3
The President's Boat Guy
"I work on boats, but mostly I'm retired." At 7:00 am, two days before a visit by the President of the United States of America, I was more than suspicious. I was the point person as an outside consul
Doodles · Chapter 4
Must-Have Moments
I remember sitting in metal chairs in July with my dad and Mrs. Reynolds. My dad and I had gone over to her house so that she could explain what I had done wrong that had gotten me fired from working
Doodles · Chapter 5
Directions Through the Cemetery
There is an interstate in our city that needs to be re-designed. A ramp has to be moved and expanded so that the traffic does not back up. There is a pinch point that is bad all day and a nightmare at
Doodles · Chapter 6
Losing Bottle Fights
If you hit someone in the real world with a whiskey bottle, like they do in all of the old western movies, you will hurt them so badly that they may be killed. Regardless, they are not coming back to
Doodles · Chapter 7
The Kingsman
I have spent a ridiculous amount of my time in airports, on planes and waiting in hospitals. This means boredom, a willingness to read ANYTHING, (remember, I just got digital reading options in the la
Doodles · Chapter 8
The Commencement Speech I'll Never Give
Thanks everybody with a hat on the dais or a big title working at this university. I did not get enough money to go through the list of all of the people . Honest to God, I'd rather pay for a goldfish
Doodles · Chapter 9
Rage Tastes Good
"You made a commitment to me that this facility would be up and operating at the end of this month. Those were your words. You need to accomplish that commitment. I have made commitments based upon yo
Doodles · Chapter 10
Memories Cost 15% Extra
Sitting around a table at a pool party, someone asked the question, "What would you have for your last meal if you were going to be executed?" Of course, your typical summer outdoor barbeque question
Doodles · Chapter 11
Cookbook for Thieves
(written for my children when in college and young professionals) My favorite beer? Free. Second favorite? Free and cold. Favorite meals are those I don't have to prepare. I don't even mind paying fo
Doodles · Chapter 12
Surgery in a Tornado
I do not consider myself particularly shy about being naked. I have never done housework naked, mowed naked and definitely never fried chicken naked. Some therapists believe that you should stand in f
Doodles · Chapter 13
Through the Windshield
Men do not have a problem communicating, sharing, discussing or whatever you want to call it. Sustained eye-contact while that is going on is a different thing. Both genders suffer from communication
Doodles · Chapter 14
Being Rich Is a Bitch
Ok, now you're mad. Just because I'm rich, you are pissed off. You don't know how rich, where I got my money, what I do with it. You are just irritated. So typical. <sigh> It's not easy being rich. I
Doodles · Chapter 15
John, Yoko and Me in Bed
Personal hygiene is something that they teach in school, but looking at many kids, I do not think enough time is spent on the topic. Roll the tape back fifty years and you would think that a shower a
Doodles · Chapter 16
End Times in L.A.
The 10 years I lived in L.A. one year. Looking out from my hotel room on the 18th floor of the Sheraton, I couldn't hear the shattering glass of looters or the yells of the marching protesters. The
Doodles · Chapter 17
BOMBSHELL
She pedaled up to me riding a pink bike, wearing a pink scoop top, pink biking shorts, pink pom-pom strands on the handle bars and of course pink shoes, helmet and sunglasses. She was a long-haired bl
Doodles · Chapter 18
Jamaica
Blue Mountain coffee, served from an enormous copper urn in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton in Montego Bay, Jamaica is how my memory of the island always starts for me. It is the best coffee I have ever
Doodles · Chapter 19
Packing for the Mental Goodwill™
A friend of mine recently was put in the hospital for Transient Global Amnesia. I can go through the Mayo Clinic diagnosis, which is available online like everything else. My summary from the part I r
Doodles · Chapter 20
42 Bells
My family asks me, ( I was going to say "people," but then I realized that at some age, you only get gifts from your family), "what do you want for your birthday?" Substitute holidays like Christmas o
Doodles · Chapter 21
Paris Marathon
Hand-rolled cigarettes smell different. It's a burnt gummy-bear smell mixed with the taste of envelope adhesive. It's an angry smell. It's a cocky, mean-spirited and evil smell. Ok, that's all over-th
Doodles · Chapter 22
Robert Redford's Toupee
I like watching old guys driving new Corvettes. There is something reassuring about seeing a man over 60 wearing a tight t-shirt over what is clearly a spray tan and sporting freshly dyed-black hair.
Doodles · Chapter 23
What Is It about Hookers?
I need to clear my name up front. I have never bought sexual services from anyone, anywhere at any time. Ever. Usually this is not a disclaimer that someone has to make, but if you write a chapter tit
Doodles · Chapter 24
Rim to Rim Grand Canyon
Stonehenge for midgets. That's what I thought I was seeing along the trail across the Grand Canyon. For some reason, I had agreed to join some friends in crossing the Grand Canyon, rim to rim, in a da
Doodles · Chapter 25
The $2 Billion Heist
"On the very biggest deals, it's not about who wins, it's about who doesn't lose." - Tom Searcy How do you change all of the names, details and relevant parts of a story when you tell about leading
Doodles · Chapter 26
How Far Back Do You Remember?
Jack Nicholson says that he can remember all the way back to the moment of his birth. This should be taken within the context that he achieved this realization when, by his own admittance, he was on L
Doodles · Chapter 27
Kids Games
The scattered green, pink and white bills in front of him are such a mess that he cannot put together $6 in rent for the property he has landed on. My son thinks of himself as a player in the World Se
Doodles · Chapter 28
Is This a Problem Money Could Solve?
The Maître d’ for a high-end, business account level restaurant in New York City is handled with a certain amount of deference. He or she can determine if you wait or are seated immediately. Your rese